Goodbye 2019! You Sucked!!!!!

Hi friends!

Not to long ago, I posted a question on Instagram, enabling friends to shared what they were proud of that they have done this past year. I loved all the responses, but I was not able to share mine.

2019 has gone by so quick and I feel like I wasn't able to catch up to it. Instead of catching up, I watched it as it left me behind. I was okay with it. 

This past year started off with so much pain and heartache that I gave up on myself. Obviously I have not shared my life for a while on this page and I was scared to at the beginning of the year because I was so angry at the world and at life. The thing that caused this pain was the loss of an amazing friend. This was the first time I have ever felt true grief and pain. I have never gone through the pain of grieving a suicide before and now I understand and I would never want to put anyone through the emotions I felt during this time. I hated to see my family in so much pain. 

I took about a week off from work and it truly didn't feel long enough. I lost myself. I wasn't taking care of myself like I should have. I refused to go to the gym because the last time I was there, that's when I found out that he left us. When I got back to work, little things triggered me and I had a lot of random breakdowns. 

Due to the emotions and not taking care of myself, I gained over 25 pounds. I hated myself and felt like there was nothing I can do to fix it. So I thought ending my membership at the gym and going to a new one would help. It sort of did, but I didn't have much motivation to go. I remember going to the gym 4 times a week and not seeing any results. I felt so frustrated by that. I was stuck at one weight and my appearance was not at all changing. Looking around at that gym, I would see body builders and these beautiful fit women and I thought it would help my motivation and confidence, but it truly didn't. 

I changed my gym again, but to a more "fancy" or "boujee" gym that had just opened. I had a free day pass and I went and it was awesome! My fiancé and I got memberships and he also helped by getting me a large pack of personal training sessions. 

I started doing my personal training around September and my motivation went up so much. My trainer pushes me to do my best and I push myself more because I don't want to waste my sessions. 

I started seeing changes in my body. When I compare a photo of myself that was taken near the beginning of the year to a newest photo, I can see my face is less chubby. My coworkers say they can tell I've been working out. My jeans are all slightly bigger on me now. I am also able to control my appetite so I don't go for random snacks throughout the day. 

So this is the greatest part. Last night, I worked out by myself after work and usually, I avoid stepping on the scale. My locker was really close to the scale so I decided to step on. I had lost 7 pounds. 

This is what I am proud of myself for this year. I was able to bounce out of a dark time and take care of myself. It was hard to find motivation. And sure, I got my wedding coming up so soon, but that didn't even motivate me. I just wanted to be better and be healthy because life is too short to give up on your health, whether it is physical or mental.

I just wanted to share this because I asked all of you guys what you were proud of yourself for this year. If you didn't get to share, please drop it down in the comments!

Have a happy and safe new year! Can't wait for 2020!

Alyssa